Travelling came midlife for myself after the break up of first marriage. I thought my world ended due to being in the mindset that failure is looked upon as incompetence as a person. That the person you supported for twenty-years, through illness, family issues, getting his degree, supporting him through sport, worked to help with the bills, raising our children… sees all that and my life in a nutshell, as menial. I had to swim through some very polluted waters of my mindset to find that I was worthy of love, I was worthy of kindness, I was worthy of support and help. I am Worthy.
The most shocking was the people I thought good close friends, whom quickly closed the door to the bonds and intimacy of what I thought was friendship. Some took sides, which I never asked of them, some couldn’t deal with the emotions they are faced with if I had my moments of sadness. Some even gave me the vibe that I was a threat to their own marriage (pleaseeeee!). I found that what I thought were committed friendships of years long, turned out to be one-sided and empty.
When I began to see and understand this, I could literally see the looks on their faces which showed a quick panicked expression, suddenly hidden by characters of caring and insight if I saw them down the street, at a cafe or shopping. As much as it hurt, I stepped back. Then I moved on, physically shifted house a thousand kilometres away, and worked on myself and my children. Adios!
But where one door closes, another opens, and this is what happened for myself.
Since 2008, my now husband, Sam, we both have experienced breathtaking countrysides, fantastic histories, enticing foods and drink, taking escapes fishing and camping, a hotel here and there, finding alluring restaurants or eateries tucked away in places that if you blinked, you may miss them. We revel in being with great friendly people and the new bonds of friendships we make.
Covid has put a damper on everything at the moment. I sit in our home in Australia, waiting for the day the planes will fly once again. So, while hubby works, we are in the mindset to keep renovating our 1920s cottage on our four acres and so, when the time comes, we will sell up and off we go again. Hopefully!
And to think…I once thought my life was going to be lonely, empty, and on hold until my children were adults.
How wrong I was.